me: "You're going to bed? It's only midnight."
her: "Yeah, well, I only got three hours of sleep last night. I'm tired."
me: "I live on too little sleep. Last night I-"
her: "You're an insomniac! You don't count."
haha. I guess she has a point, though. So here I am, three a.m., trying to sleep and it's a big FAIL. but hey, a plus for anyone who cares: I'm gonna put up, in this post, an excerpt from the project I'm working on. I'm calling it "Cai" (pronounced 'ky') at the moment; that's the name of the main character.
This scene is in the first couple pages of the book, and it really sets a tone--a dark, almost scary (i hope) tone--early on. Please give me feedback on what you think, and go easy on me...I just wrote this, and it has been edited 0%. It's pretty graphic and bloody, and if it grosses you out or scares you, that means i did my job.
Just as Cai began to believe she was mistaken, that this strange man meant nothing, she saw him blink.
The man blinked, and blood ran down from his eyes like tears.
Cai couldn’t make a sound. She watched in silent horror as the man opened his mouth as if to scream. Blood dribbled over his lips and ran in steady rivulets down his neck. She didn't feel like she was still breathing. Why wasn’t anyone else seeing this? Why didn’t she see the look of horror mirrored on other faces? She couldn’t move.
The man in the doorway took a lurching step toward her. He smiled. No, he grinned. The blood colored his teeth red. He started coughing, but he didn’t lose his grin. Blood sprayed with each breath, with each cough, but he kept on grinning.
His hand came slowly up from his side, and he pointed at Cai. A knife was suddenly in his hand.
That’s when she started screaming.
She closed her eyes and let the built-up scream escape from her choked lungs. She opened her eyes. His face was inches from hers. He was still grinning. His breath smelled like stale smoke buried under a pool of blood.
Cai opened her mouth to scream again just as the maniac buried his knife to the hilt in the side of her neck. Her scream came out as a gurgled moan.
“Cai!" She heard her name called from far away; it was too late. She knew that. Someone else had finally noticed the bloody maniac, but now it was too late.
“Cai!”
She choked on her own blood. She coughed trying to speak. Blood dribbled over her lip in a horrible reflection of her killer. The man. The bloody man. Cai started to float.
“Cai! Come on!”
She decided to open her eyes one last time to try to say goodbye to the voice. Lily, it was probably Lily. It was always Lily.
Cai opened her eyes.
No bloody man. No knife. A classroom. Students, all staring at her. Lily—it was always Lily—was there, shaking her arm and saying her name over and over.
A dream. Oh, God, it was all a dream.
Feedback would be great, peoples! Thanks!
1 comment:
It's very creepy, but I already knew it would be.
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