Insomnia Toujours

I hate being the only one awake. Not only being the only one not sleeping, but the only one awake. I'm wandering around the small, one-bedroom apartment, trying not to wake Alan and Emma in their bedroom.

This sounds dramatic, but I honestly can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep without the aid of sleeping pills. Now it's getting scary; I took sleeping pills last night and tonight, and they don't seem to be working anymore. At all. You have the account of last night in the blog beneath this--I took the pill at midnight, and I stayed up until six; not at all voluntarily, I assure you. Tonight I took the pill at eleven, trying to get a good night's sleep (what a laugh). So now here we are, 3:28 am, and I'm just...awake. I'm tired, physically and mentally (and emotionally, may I add) exhausted, but my mind and body won't let me fall asleep.

Alan just came out of his bedroom. He noticed the light was on in the living room. He seemed very confused that I was awake--having not lived with me recently, I don't think he's up-to-date on how bad the whole insomnia thing has gotten. haha. He seemed concerned, and I told him not to worry; it happens all the time. When I said that, he looked a little more perplexed, and I told him, "Yeah, that whole insomnia thing. It just happens sometimes that I can't sleep." He nodded and frowned. "That sucks. I'm sorry." Then he said goodnight again and went back into his bedroom.

I really appreciate the fact that he's worried about it. My parents never seem to be. I don't think my mom even believes me, and my dad thinks it's easily solved. Actually, it may be quite easily solved...I just have yet to find said solution.

I'm hoping that when I'm in France, I'll be so mentally exhausted that my insomnia will just wither away and die forever. Three years of insomnia is about doing me in...something needs to change.

I'm going to try to sleep now, again. I may be back on again later this morning, but god I hope not.

ps--thanks for listening/reading to me rant.