I Need a Plane Ride

Today sucks.

I'm homesick, probably mostly because I didn't sleep but about three hours last night.

Last night sucked.

I'm getting back into my "normal"--and AWFUL sleep schedule of a couple hours a night. I thought it was getting better--my mind was so exhausted from speaking French all the time, I wasn't having to take my sleep meds. I haven't taken them since I got here.

Apparently now that my mind is accustomed to the fact that it's speaking French all the time, my sleep schedule is back to normal. I went to bed at midnight last night, like I have been, and I laid there, awake, thinking and staring at the ceiling until 4am. I got up at 7 to be down in the kitchen by 8. This is the second night I've done this, and I don't want it to become a habit again.

My body runs just fine on three hours of sleep, but my mind doesn't work the same. I can think just fine--all the normal functions are there, and they work. But everything is enhanced, and not in a particularly good way; today I had an anxiety attack in class (random, not set off by anything), and I miss Rachel so much it hurts. The fact that I couldn't talk to her while it was happening was so hard. Even when I'm home, and it's 2am---if I have one, I call her. I cry. I talk. I scream if I want to.

But I couldn't. I could have left class and stood out in the hallway or went to the bathroom to ride it out, but I just sat there. I would rather have something to distract me than riding it out all by myself in a quiet room.

Talk about depressing.

So let it suffice to say I'm having a hard time today. I know these days will come and go, and I hope this one goes really fast. I love it here, and I'm having a great time, but honestly right now i just want to hop on a plane.

Go to you.

Where you should be, no one's around
I need a phone call
I need a raincoat
I need a big love
I need a phone call

There's things I remember, and things I forget
I miss you, I guess that I should
3,500 miles away
what would you change if you could?

I need a phone call